Distance.

You can't be the one to always start or initiate a conversation.
Because I don't think any kind of friendship or relationship works that way.

I should not be bothered by that. I will not.

You don't deserve a point of view if the only thing you see is you.

existential crisis

So what's the matter with you?
Sing me something new
Don't you know the cold and wind and rain don't know
They only seem to come and go away

Yes, you!

You suck btw.

of the aftermath

Phewww.. Lama tak menulis. But yes, I only come back here to whine/babble. Kahkahkah. Suke hati aku lah!

Had a conversation with some friends last night. About some religious-politic related stuffs. I said something like "Kita boleh cakap sesuatu perbuatan tu berdosa atau berpahala. Tapi kita tak boleh dictate dia masuk syurga atau neraka". A friend of mine justified by saying "Kalau. Kalau tak sempat mintak maaf, masuk neraka." And I asked him a rhetorical question "So kita suka hati je cakap apa-apa yang kita nak dan meletakkan perkataan 'kalau' tu boleh justify everything?" And surprisingly he replied "Boleh."

And then I stopped talking.

Kalau tak sempat mintak maaf, masuk neraka. K. Macam seluruh hidup kau telah kena define dengan kesalahan tu saja.

I could babbled alot more, but I wasn't in the mood. But it reminded me of something that someone (I forgot who) said "Kita masuk syura ni bukan kerana dosa & pahala. Tapi kerana keredhaan Allah". Somehow I agree to that. Do you remember the story of Alqamah? A very pious guy who did lots of charity, performed lots of prayers etc but on his death bed he had some difficulties to recite the shahadah? And that was only because his mother was angry at him.

See. Keredhaan ibu adalah keredhaan Allah. And for a married woman, it's on her husband. Dan mungkin banyak lagi benda lain yang boleh bawa kepada keredhaan Allah. Syurga neraka bukan kuasa kita & bukan terjangkau oleh akal kita untuk kira dan decide.

Aftermath is way beyond our thinking. But let's hope that we will find the best of it someday. Insya Allah.

What if's

Kadang-kadang, susah sangat bila selalu fikir tentang what if.

What if it happened?
What if it didn't happened?

And I have all the reasons in the world to be glad that it didn't happened. But sometimes I still wonder what if everything happened other wise.

Biasalah, dasar kepala batu tak reti bersyukur. Macam tu? Haha..

Kadang-kadang kita rasa hidup ni tak adil, lebih-lebih lagi bila kita tak dapat apa yang kita nak. Dan juga bila kita tak dapat apa yang kita rasa kita deserve. Tapi orang cakap, susah tu memang dugaan, cuma kita selalu lupa yang senang pun boleh jadi dugaan juga.

Sigh.

Sometimes there are people in your life that you will never get over.

To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return.
Al-Fatihah.