Lack of imagination

I sometimes think about how our perfect Sundays would be. Or at least, how I wish they would be. Maybe breakfast in bed, strolling along the street hand-by-hand, stealing a kiss or two and then snuggling together on the couch watching movies, eating late night pizzas. Those are some of my ideas of loving someone.

See, I don't ask much. Honestly, I can’t take anymore of your fairy tale love; neither I am sure that I can fulfill them for you.

Sometimes, I wish you can be true to yourself. Not all that superficial I-don’t-give-a-damn look that you always portray to others. Because you do give a damn! While you act in such a cold-hearted way, unconsciously you involuntarily did things that prove otherwise. Just get real darling. At least, be real sometimes.

If honesty means being vulnerable to you, maybe you should just let your guard down and tell me if I am worth of anything. Because the truth matters to those who loves you.

So, I have a confession to make. I don’t know how to love you. And I’m afraid that I will never learn or understand how to love you.

This is not a breakup note. But this note is the note explaining how I break my own heart. This is the note of how I let myself shattered my own heart.

Owh by the way, I am the worst heartbreaker you wish you never met. So, if you are trying to break my heart, you don’t have to. Because I have broke my own heart .You should already say goodbye by now :)

--

Why do bad things always taste so damn good?

the empty space

Seperti mana kau tak boleh nak buang dia 100% dari hidup kau, seperti itu juga dia tak boleh nak buang kau 100% dari hidup dia. No, you can’t just snap your fingers and hope that everything will vanish just like it never happened before.

Sebab you don’t understand this, sayang.

The opposite of love is not hate. It’s indifference.

Lewat malam, atau lebih tepat antara pukul 3 pagi sehingga subuh. Di mana otak kau mula berfikir macam-macam hal. Pasti kau akan ingat semua tentang dia. Mungkin ada sesuatu tentang itu yang masih boleh buat kau tersenyum.

He/she made you rhyme.

He/she made you cry.

But darling, you need more than that to survive.

Aku tahu. Gambar atas meja itu sudah lama kau buang entah ke mana. Tapi dalam laptop ada satu folder yang sudah jarang-jarang kau buka. Mungkin kau patut cepat-cepat delete folder tu dan empty-kan recycle bin in a finger snap. Supaya rasa regret dan ragu-ragu tidak sempat jadi penghalang. Ini cuma kata-kata saja. Aku tahu kau takkan buat sekarang. Bukan sekarang. Mungkin suatu hari nanti. Tapi aku tak tahu bila.

Ingat satu perkara, sayang. Apa yang kau cari sudah tiada di situ. No darling. You can’t just turn around and expect that things will stay the same.

Cuma mungkin ia tak pernah terlintas di fikiran kau yang dia ingat exactly setiap butir kata yang kau pernah tuturkan. Word by word. Even though it was such a long, long time; that you hardly remember when. Those things that you can’t recall yet made such an impact in someone’s memory. Those little things, little details or dates yang kau tak pernah keep track of their times, but are always held close to your heart. Dan mungkin sebab kau not that into keeping track of stuffs, sebab itu semuanya seem so close. Just like yesterday.

Aku rasa, nothing good comes out of your mind after 3 am. Only thoughts yang mengarut dan really, really oh-so-pathetic at most. You should go to sleep.

And remember darling. The opposite of love is indifference. Not hate.

New year!

Hello people! It's new year! Okay, I know I'm a bit late.

And you know what, the best give I gave myself at the end of 2009 was "moving on". For good.

No kidding.

--

Dear Ex,

I was head over heels for you. Whenever I was with you, all those sweet memories we shared together rushed into my mind. Alaa macam orang kata; orang yang dah nak mati akan teringat balik semua amalan-amalan yang pernah dikerjakan.

I loved you.

I can't imagine my life without you.

But I can't see a future with you.

Goodbye!

Ps: Umur kita dah nak masuk 1/4 abad (heh, macam confirm je kan hidup 100 tahun). But the point is grow up and stop partying/clubbing macam remaja yang baru nak naik okay? Have a good life ahead.

Pps: I always go to Oldtown. And yes, tak payah pergi situ kalau takut terserempak dengan aku. But don't make childish statements in front of our friends okay? Get over it already.