So now you're saying that I am toying around with your feelings eh? What about the way you used to treat me back then? Fair enough kan?

Urghhh some people just don't get it. They don't get me. Haihh...

Changes.

Things change.

People change. And so do I. But right now I'm not sure whether I've change for good or not. I can't hardly recognize myself any more.

I think I need to straighten up myself a bit. Woof!

Strangers, again.

I almost cry when I watch this video again. Hmmm... Dear you, I know you're trying so hard to win my heart again. And yes, I agree that we should take some time apart. I mean like a grace period. For me to sort my thoughts and emotions. I hate to see you that miserable especially when I'm the reason behind it.

If two people are meant to be together, eventually they will find each other again. You know that I will always love you in anyway pon. You belong to a huge part of my life. Always have, always will.

Wise men say, only fools rush in

I've been thinking a lot. So I ended up talking to Ahmad Faisal instead. I don't know why I told him stuffs. Maybe because I think that he's a man with good brain, lots of life experiences and is also wise? This is the copy paste version of his advices just for my own record.

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Para 1: No doubt you've been trough stuff together, a lot. However large age-difference is also a problem as it is hard to adjust expectations and opinions. In this case, please don't make mistake for the sake of your future. Solat, doa ,minta ditunjukkan yang betul ke dia ni the best for you. Soal hati, Allah aje yang tau.

Para 2: Go for it man!!!!!!!! Wee hu!!! I tend to be immature at stuff, but for me, I can't afford to have someone to restrict my enthusiasm! We don't have comfort zone, we are happy and curious people. If he's the one, why not give him a chance? I mean, if he is serious let him flow and propose, hence get married. Live a beautiful life in ups and downs :-) Travel overseas, tido kat airport dgn sleeping bag (myself and puandy pernah buat), be silly and adventurous.

Para 3: It's good to be confused at the early age. Layan aje. But make sure it doesn't affect your work and study.

Para 4: Finally, a girl is more mature than a guy in same age. Seriously. Part of my upbringing in relationship is driven/lead and advocated by my own girlfriend/tunang/wife. She's wise to sculp me. A guy is silly. Lead him. Seriously. It is not wrong to take a lead. Bila dah dekat 30 tahun, then he'll be wiser than you.

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Okay. Here's the thing. Be strong. Leave any baggage. Live good life, while trying to find your mr. right. Dulu masa couple pun I've made mistakes (gile weh, kena belajar pujuk girlfriend sbb garang sgt). Anyway that is part of life. If somebody likes you, and you like him, ask this question (when the time is right), "do you like me?".

If the guy is caught with such question, he should bite the bullet and act accordingly (ha! it got me once! Lucky I'm ready, get to work and make sure I'm not losing this girl).

Things that can go wrong, will go wrong. Learning on how to fix it is part of the process. But anyway, plan ahead. Sculp the lucky guy wisely. So he can be your dream one.

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hahahaah, gile, susah seh nak handle soalan mcm tu. Tapi good, you are a brave girl. Kalau betul la that guy likes you, hadle him with care :-D

Memang betul, go for it. Be ridiculously enthusiastic as usual, yay!! Betul-betul, jgn lupa doa byk2 jugak. Glad you're happy after reading this. Go I*****! (it's my name but i have to erase it. remember? this is my black book so it has to be anonymous)

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Oh btw I won't post what are my questions to him. It's for me to know and for you to ponder :)

Changes.

Itulah, suka provoke sangat. And now I am overwhelmed with everything. Just give me time, aku cuma sedang men-digest perasaan.

I don't know what I want. I just want to break free and take chances. I'm a little bit scared though. But heck, things will go wrong too regardless what precautions that you take. Shit happens and eventually we move on. So what's next?

Am I gullible? Or am I just too sick to think of anything hence the reckless steps I took? Whatever. I screwed things up before. But hey, who doesn't?

Oh well, I sounded soooo not like me. Pft.

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On the other hand, I feel like deleting this hideous emo blog. We'll see :) 

I don't know who I can talk to any more.
I don't even know what can buy me anymore.

Urghh, I hate being fickle minded like this.

I don't know what I am so afraid of. Oh well, we always screw things up anyway. Or to certain extent, life will screw you up instead. FML.